On my special day

Morning sun shines through my red curtain
Waking me up from my deep sleeep
I open my eyes and thank Him
22 years and 9 months has He been faithful

Today is not the same day
It is a brand new day
Classes are many and an event is await
Refreshed body is ready to start the day

One class after another I attend
Take up my energy bit by bit
Finish it up at the last class
Just spare me a little
To surive for the main event of the day

Five minutes lay down I need
No more thinking could be done
Only reflex that drives me
To sustain me to the end of the day

This is my special day
Yet, insignificant only I could feel
Can I be selfish for one day?
Can I have the world for one day?

Too late!!! This is another day already
My time is up and the time will go around again

Part 3

New semester began. He helped me moving to dormitory. This was certainly one of the best rooms I ever stayed in my life. Yet, I could feel the loneliness the wall echoes. It was afternoon and the sun shone through the red curtain, emphasizing the stillness of the day.

I did not know any of my neighbors. We saw each others, but only few words were exchanged. I thought I will love such privacy, yet I found myself feeling lonely. I always look for a way to avoid people (since my life surrounded by them). Now I realized that I love to be with them regardless the mess that they may cause in my life. Maybe it was too early for me to mention that, but I said it anyway.

I remember his saying and tried to call him, yet he did not answer. I knew that he has his own life. Who should I call then? Those ‘friends’? Will they answer me? Won’t they mind if I bother they life? Nah, I will not call them.

“So, where from now?” I asked myself. Would I stay in this loneliness or …? I had no idea. One thing I was certain is this: If I do right, good things will happen…

Where do I belong?

I used to belong there
Worked for it, Strived for it
It was challenging, it was tough
It was tear dripping, it was heart pounding

I used to belong there
There I learnt, there I grew
There I joke, there I laugh
There I sing, there I am loved

Yes, I used to belong there
Where joy and tears meet
Where fear and excitement mix
Where faith is tested and miracles happen

O, how my eyes long to see
O, how my ears long to hear
O, how my feet long walk
O, how my soul long to dwell

Though I am not there anymore
Let me still do Thy work
In a place where Thy put me
In here, I do belong now
In Thy alone, I will find myself

on another occasion (part of the story)

After dinner...
"I am sorry if I hurt you. I care for you and I want the best for you." he continued, "I know that all this long you have been by yourself. You also have helped others who needs you whoever they are. But you yourself... you did not take a good care of yourself. You do not depend on anyone."

I was sure that Char must have told him something. Otherwise he would not know how I was feeling lonely the last few days. I had to admit that I do not depend on people, not because I dont want to but because I can't or don't feel right interupt other's life. I don't mind people come to me and ask help though, I like to be able to help them.

"Can you depend on me? Can you share your burden with me? Can you call me the second when you want someone to be with you? When I say I care for you, I mean it. When I say I want to protect you, I mean it and when I say I love you, I mean it."

I did not say a word. I did not know how to answer. What should I say? I could not comeprehend someone who could care for me that much.

"Can you?" he asked again.

My mind was still processing his words, yet I nodded and he hugged me.

part of the story

"I do this because I want to protect you. Don't you understand? I love you"
But, I do not think that I need you to protect me!! I feel like you take my world, my freedom from me!! My mind screams but no voice comes out from my mouth.

How thankful I am to have you in my life. You are a father, a brother and a friend to me. But don't you understand that I am a lady now. I could make my own decision. I know what I want, I know what I am capable of and most importantly, I have the mighty one who knows what is best for me.

I walk away and wonder if there is someone, a person who could understand me. I do not want anyone controlling my world, I just want someone to walk with me and be with me. But, I could find none...

I want... What more to ask??

Saw a presentation sent by friend yesterday telling that everyday is a gift. It awaits when the eyes are opened in the morning. It could present that we dont like and try to put it in the corner of the room or pleasing present which we might embrace. What is in my present box today? I would not know until I unfold the box and see what's inside as I go through my day.

Read a psycology today magazine yesterday and read an article about secret of happiness. And I love the statement: "Confront annoyances and crisis with grace. Be willing to learn, stretch and grow which might involve discomfort. Life requires not only talking, but also acting" and a point that surprising mentioned by world psycology is this: "A strong personal relationship could buffer life's inevitable letdowns and setbacks".

I am not perfect and my life is not free from struggles. I have not everything I want or need. Yet, I could get up in the morning, ready to embrace whatever the maker has laid before me. I wait in expectancy, live in hope and believe in the provider. For now, I understand a little bit what love is. Love always try to give what is best no matter how much sacrifice one has to pay. So, what more should I ask knowing that someone is trying very hard to give me the best... What more should I ask?

Selamat Ulang Tahun!!

Telah puluhan tahun yang kau lewati
Telah ribuan tantangan kau hadapi
Telah jutaan air mata kau tetesi
Tapi tak hilang semangatmu tuk berjuang bagi kami

Tak ada harta yang bisa kami persembahkan
Tak ada cinta yang bisa kami tawarkan
Tak ada waktu yang bisa kami gantikan
Tuk membalas semua kasih sayangmu

Tahun ini bertambah usiamu tanpa aku disisimu
Tak dapat kuucapkan selamat ulang tahun di telingamu
Tak dapat kurangkul engkau dan kucium pipimu
Hanya doa yang bisa aku hantarkan
Dan kupercaya Tuhan menjaga kalian

Selamat Ulang Tahun ma.. pa..
Aku sayang kalian