Goodbye

I know that life on earth is temporary
I know that one day each person life will come to an end
But it will be the beginning of life with our Father in heaven
And that moment will be a joyful one

Yet, hearing that you leave...
It gave me a big grieve
I do not know that you will go this soon
I had hope to see you again (that's what the doctor n mum promised me)

But you leave...
without me apologizing
without me telling you how much your life and your love mean to me
without me telling how pretty you are
without me telling that you have the best smile in the world
without me saying that I love you
without me saying goodbye...

They said I should rejoice...
because you are free from pain now
because you are with the Father
and because we will be together again in heaven

However, I wish I could have seen your smile one more time and said goodbye to you
I believe you watch me now. And I want to tell you that I love you.
And I will find you when I go to heaven next time..

Goodbye emak..

Everyone makes mistake in their lives.. So do I.
And I apologised. So, don't you think I deserve a second chance?

My heart

Hhmmm...
I think I have two big hearts.
My first heart quite big to fulfil my big body needs. This heart pumps my blood to fulfil the need of oxygen of my every single cells in my body. Heart that has been working really hard to keep me thinking, study, do my work, growing and be who I am physically. And I am not quite sure if I have taken care well of this heart of mine. However, I admit that this heart is important physiologically.

My second heart which some say is quite big too is a heart that is important for me for my psycology, my character and my life for eternity. Yes, heart that has more important duty then just pumping blood (again, this is also important).

They say I have big heart to love many many many people. Indeed, there are so many in my life that I love - different love for each person with different intensity.
I love my family so much. I love mum, dad, my sister and my brother. And I would give anything I have if they want it (as long as I dont sin against God), except my life cause it belongs to my LORD.
I love my best friends in Singapore though they are far from me. I love Esther. i love Grace. I love Daniel. I love ci Natalia. I love ci Febi. I love Casie. I love Nyari. I even love ci Intan. I love Joo. I love Jung. I love Della. I love aunty Gloria and Pastor. I love OCF and there are just too many people whom I love. I love to many until my brain is not capable to think of them all. My time is not sufficient to be spent with them all. My stregth is very limited. But inside my heart, I know deeply that I love them. I love them so much and I know I would not like my life without each of them.

Even after all that description, I state boldly that my love is full of flaws. My love is very very very limited. It is FULL of FLAWS. My love cannot make me do much for those whom I love. My love often cannot overcome the pain I got.

But there is one being that love me wholly. His love is flawless. He loves me no matter what. His love conquers all. His love sustains me. His love remains the same even when my love for him fails. He loves me and watches me when I use all my time to study. He loves me and guides me when I use all my time to work. He loves me and guards me when I use all my time to ignore him. He loves me even when all I love is myself. He loves me and helps me carrying my burden even when I am complaining carrying little burden that is left. His love gives me hope. He takes me when I fall and he looks at me with his loving eyes. He even died for my sins. And He never regrets loving me. He is loving me joyfully.

WHAT SO UNDESRVED LOVE...

And I am telling you, this love is not only for me.. It is also for you. It is enough for everyone and it is still complete and perfect!

Teach me Lord, with all the love that I have.. with all my heart, I want to love you first and foremost. And with this love that you have given me, I want to love others so that they may know your love. Let them see that my love is imperfect and only yours is perfect. So that your name will be glorified!! To you the praise forever and ever!!

Where he found me

I dont know how far have I travelled
How many turns have I passed
How many mountains have I climbed
How many valleys I have gone

I dont know how many memories in my head
How much tears I have shed
How much laughter I have had
How much jokes I have said

I dont know how many people do I know
How many of them has visited my life
How many have make me cry or laugh
How many have left their footprints in my life

I have no idea how life has been really good or harsh to me

But no matter where I am
No matter what I am going through
No matter how friends come and go in my life
No matter how people look at me
No matter how many times I have failed
No matter where I go or what I do

You can always find me when I am lost
You love me the same
You give me this hope
that one day, I will be with you forever

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen