So, who decides?

When I was born, my parents decided what I wore, where I went, how I slept, what I ate and decided how they and the world will call me.

When I was a baby, they decided where I went to kindergarten, how I should write and eat with my right hand, and use the left for ***

When I was a girl, they told me to sleep at certain time, how I should talk to elders, ate certain food, and studied to get good marks.

When I was teenager, they told me to go home at certain time, not going to certain places, and consider many things before making decisions.

When they sent me overseas, they only told me to study well, take care of myself and be close, dependent and trusting God.

As I grow, they put their trust in me and let me choose my own path. However, they still my parents. They support me, listen to me, pray for me and love me no matter what.

I am an adult now and they let me making my own decision. I thought it's good to be an adult and be independent. But, I miss being a kid and under parents.
I am making my own decision now. I make mistakes and sometimes I don't even know what I am doing or what I am supposed to do. But, I guess this is a learning process. You can't all of a sudden be good in making decision. And now, as I make my decision, it is God that I have to seek for counsel. And to do so, I need to practise and build my relationship with him. Be patient and trusting him that he will reveal and lead me to the way he has prepared for me.

This is what the LORD says:
“I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.

Never satisfied!!

The more we have, the more we want...

I guess this is a struggle or so called ambition that most people have at one stage of their lives or even throughout their lives. You say, "if just I can have that, then I will feel content." You have it then there are more of that saying, this time, it is even fancier.

Being brought up not in a rich family, I thought having certain achievement can make me really grateful and content forever. Indeed, I did in the beginning. I was so thankful for getting a "thing" till I don't care that I have to make sacrifices on other things. Now, I have taken the "thing" for granted! I don't feel thankful anymore and I want more of other things. I end up making excuse for not being satisfied and can't feel content and thankful.

Just if this desire is to know God more and more and to never feel content of with what I have in him.. that will be amazing!!
But why? Why is this desire for something else?

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

The fifth week

Aaarrrggghhh!!!

Man, this year is different!!!
It feels hard in many ways, yet I don't know what makes it hard!!

I hope the year does not go pass so quickly before me grasp the lesson God wants to teach me.

So many to do, so little time...
So many people I want to see, talk, hang out with, etc
But I can't find the time!!!

Arrggghhh..
Lord, may my soul find rest in you.
Help me to set my life right before you and other things shall follow.
For you, O Lord, hold everything

May comfort fills your people in Japan and Christchurch;
May your name be glorified

For you O Lord, worthy of our lives

Internship on early days

This is it!!! This is the start. I finally start my placement in medical laboratory. I finally see and experience how it feels to work in laboratory, to be medical laboratory technician or even scientist! This is the start.

It is not too far from what I had in mind before. However I feel like I am in the hospital for more than this!! Maybe I dream too much. Maybe I expect or think too high for myself. Maybe...

But this feeling... I feel like crying!! I want more than this!!

I am not even in the technician level and I expect to be in the level of haematologist!! a specialised doctor!! Let me laugh at myself!!

I finally truly dream!! Funny!! Funny!! Hahahahahahahaha

I think I shall take my time and enjoy what I have now and learn as much as I can..
Who knows what the future may bring. Maybe I end up liking being in medical lab very much. Never know :)

Last day of 2010

Sky is bright blue with small white clouds flying around. Sun gives such beautiful color combination and fresh dry air..

Another new year will I spend by myself; not by my own will but because of the circumstances.

Started I thinking what I want to achieve in the year to come.
2011 will be a start of new decade. I am sure in the next 10 year, there will be many changes in life. There are 3 dreams in my life and I hope I can achieve the first two within d next decade.

For next year, I do have some plans and goals which of course I hope I can accomplish. Most of all, I want this year to be the year where God teaches me, guide me, lead me and shape me to be what I am created to be before I leave my student life.

Happy New Year.. May it brings a fresh spirit within us!

Stop and think

Oh my gosh!!! What have I been doing???

I was dreaming of being being a doctor
I was dreaming of being pampered
I was dreaming of being surrounded by loved ones
I was dreaming of spending all my Christmas and New Year with mum, dad, nick n koko
I was dreaming...

I open my eyes,
I see them being doctors, engineers, musicians, models...
I see them with the people they love
I see them reaching their dreams
I see them there

And I??
I am here.. wondering if I choose the right path
The road that I have been through was hard
So many people I have hurt
And dream as a doctor is becoming vaguer each day
I am at a place where I am most uncertain about life

Am I in the right place??

Flash

There is a saying that people come and go in our lives like seasons.

I saw my facebook, I have so many names under my friend’s list. Wow, do I know them all? Do I have that many friends? Indeed, I do know them and I know more people than what it listed

Many of them, I just know by name or had one or two conversation before. Most of them are friends by group like high school, church, university, and other organization or workplace where I was in before. And through those groups, I have made some good friends.

I look back and I still remember clearly those people who have made my life and contribute to the person I am now. They have moved on with their lives and so did I. God does put new people around me. He does not leave me alone neither my friends. I am thankful for the people that He put surrounding me now.

But at this moment, I want to remember them. I want to remember those memories back on those days. I miss them. I miss you ci Febi, I miss you pampering me, sharing stories and just relax together. I miss you Etlana, Editha, and Christy, the time we hang out, gossiping, laughing, stories, jokes, food, talking about books, guys, etc. I miss you Dumbai and Casie, I miss our jokes that only us can understand-even when a word mentioned now, we can still remember back and laugh. I miss you Esther-sharing bible verses, prayer, spending so much time together in personal meeting, OCF leaders meeting, Friday night, comp lab, meal together, and many more. I miss you Shirley- I miss the time we can hang out and joke freely and our time with others too. I miss the spontaneity of Jess and her cheerful attitude. I miss you guys.

I miss dede too. I so miss you. I miss hanging out with you and cella. I miss laughing at you, piggy back by you, massaged by you, teasing you, watching movies with you and you driving me around. I miss Jenny with her “cacad”. I miss so many things in the past. I do!!

Currently, I feel that life is hard, but I do believe that future will be better. I am certain of it. I just need endurance and perseverance. I also need to believe that He who started it is faithful and He will carry me to completion.